BoobieCare — Obama's plan will control women's breast size

Buried in H.R.3200 – America’s Affordable Health Choices Act of 2009, President Barack Obama’s 1,018 page plan to overhaul the U.S. health care system, is a provision that allows the federal government to dictate the breast size of each American woman.

Referred to as “9856(z)18 BREAST AUGMENTATION FOR AMERICAN WOMEN,” the provision is hidden so deep in the dense text that it’s nearly impossible to find, read, and decode.

Pamela Anderson
Pamela Anderson

But it’s there, in paragraph 4,358,694, stating that “a panel of men who work for the federal government will examine every woman in the country in order to determine her most attractive breast size.”

The panel will also choose her plastic surgeon and conduct follow-up interviews, reserving the right to order additional surgeries down the road, if necessary.

H.R. 3200 provides for all former, living U.S. Presidents to oversee the project. Male members of the U. S. House of Representatives, Senate, and male U.S. Governors will chair the panels and choose its members.

Sarah Palin, herself a former governor, and also a woman, was outraged.

“I’m insulted,” she said. “Mine are perfect. The judges in the Miss Alaska pageant said so. My breasts belong to Todd first, then Alaska second, and next in line my great country, the USA, third — not the stinkin’ federal government.

Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin

“Abraham Lincoln may have said our government is ‘by the people, in the people, on the people, or something like that; but good ol’ Ronnie Reagan said ‘Government is not only A problem, it is THE problem, or something like that, ya’ know? That’s why I voted for Reagan.”

Updating her Facebook status, Palin, also a former Vice-Presidential candidate, wrote about her daughters’ breasts. She said that she’s pleased with Bristol’s, but admitted that some of her daughters’ breasts, once they develop, may need a little work.

“But that’s a private, family matter,” she said.

“First he was a community organizer. Then a constitutional law professor. Now he wants to organize the constitution of underage girls’ boobies. That’s outrageous.

Palin family
Palin family

“That may be the way they act in Kenya, but not where I come from.”

Senator John McCain, former candidate for President, said hes’ a firm believer in plastic surgery, but not at taxpayers’ expense. He supports government health care only for military personnel, military children, and members of Congress.

“It’s been fine for me, my entire life,” McCain said. “But I needed it.

John and Cindy McCain

“I don’t think the federal government can afford to help the general population, however. The government messes everything up. It’s too much spending.
“The bill will never pass,” McCain said. “We’ll fight it. We’ll stomp it. We’ll crush it. We’ll beat it. We’ll defeat it. We’ll kill it.”

Glenn Beck, on his Fox TV show, wept openly.

Even after gathering himself during a commercial break, Beck could barely speak through his tears.

“They are going to send government photographers into your homes and take pictures. Then they’re going to pick out the women they want to see again and haul them in.

Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck

“I love my country,” Beck said. “I think Obama is a sexist. Next, he’ll want to check my penis size. That’s just like the kind of things Hitler did. He’s the same way! A dictator!”

Health Insurance CEO Ron Williams, of Aetna, says he will help fund a massive advertising campaign in order to fight the intrusive provision.

Ron Williams
Ron Williams
Hitler

“Somebody’s got to stand up for the American patient,” says Williams. “Since I made over 40 million dollars in 2007 — a damn good year — I feel a moral obligation to do that.”

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