The things in my pocket

I’m not complaining.  I’ve read Tim O’Brien’s “The Things They Carried.”

If, in my gut, I don’t appreciate how lucky I am — at least I have some intellectual understanding of how lucky I am.

But here is what I carry in my left pocket:

• nicotine gum

Nicotine Gum
Nicotine Gum

• iphone

• iphone earbuds


• a 3/4 inch thick wad of cards (debit card, driver’s license, library card, health insurance card, social security card, AAA card, and, for some strange reason, my tiny little laminated high school diploma).

wad of cards

wad of cards

I don’t carry a wallet.  I used to.  Then I went to the doctor one day with a lot of pain in my hip.  I thought it was a sciatic nerve problem.  He suggested I quit sitting on the wallet in my back pocket — a quick and easy cure.

A few more things in my left front pocket:

•drops for my eyes


•a tube of extremely therapeutic gunk I got from an herbal store — also for my eyes


•a pedometer


In my right pocket, I carry a couple of pens, a sharpie, and whatever change is there.

In my right back pocket, I carry cash (not much, if any), and my business cards.  I should carry more of these, but I don’t want the hip pain from sitting on cards.

In my left back pocket, I deposit other people’s business cards.

This is a lot of stuff — especially the left front pocket.  Frequently, I lose things.  Once I lose them, I spend a lot of time looking for them.  Often, I find them — in my left pocket.  Sometimes I look for things in there and have to take stuff out in order to find what I’m looking for.  Then I lose what I’ve taken out.

Sometimes, I take one thing out and something else accidentally drops to the ground.

Tonight I lost my nicotine gum. Still haven’t found it.

My wife told me I needed a purse.  She tells me this a lot.  We laughed about the Seinfeld European Carry-all episode.  “It’s not a purse. It’s European!”

She insisted I give it a try.

My daughter, the fashion expert, said it made me look even more ridiculous than I already look.

I thought I’d see for myself, so Alicia took a picture (see below).

Not gonna happen.

I might start shopping for a tiny backpack.


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