Brain Surgeon Uses Computer to Control Patients!

A respected brain surgeon who got his first computer as a Christmas gift in 1985, has gone crazy with power and turned dozens of patients into computerized robots that satisfy his every wish.

Dr. William T. Z. Burston III, 52, of Dorich, England, enjoyed experimenting with his computer so much that he began putting remote control computer chips into his patients’ brains during surgery.

He is now using his home computer as a remote control unit — and programming his patients to do everything he says to do — including have sex with him.

Although relatives of the patients have complained about the doctor, no charges have been filed. The courts have told family members, in effect, to prove it. Judges have ruled that the actual patients themselves must file the suits, since they are perfectly healthy human beings.

The patients don’t want to. They’ve been programmed to love the wicked doctor.

Reports indicate that Dr. Burston has put remote control chips into the brains of at least twenty people, including:

— Starlight O’Calla, beautiful Irish model and actress. Dr. Burston put the chips into her head during emergency surgery she had after a horseback riding accident. She is now fully recovered, physically, but mentally controlled by Dr.Burston. He programs her to have sex with him several times each week, and sometimes twice in the same day.

— Darren P. Stagnolia, heir to the Stagnolia family fortune and successful stockbroker in his own right. Ever since the exploratory surgery, he has been programmed to make money for Dr. Burston. He has deposited no less than one million dollars each month into Dr. Burston’s account since the operation.

— Annabel Junstle, homemaker and mother of four. The reason she had the surgery is not known. She is programmed to come to Dr. Burston’s house each morning to clean and do laundry. She also cooks for the Burstons — all without pay. Like the other victims, she doesn’t realize what is really making her do it. She says she works for Burston “for pleasure,” and “out of respect.”

— Stanton Teal, radio station owner. Before Dr. Burston operated on Teal’s brain to remove a small tumor, his radio station played only top-forty and rock — never classical. Now the station plays two hours of Dr. Burston’s favorite classical selections every day between 12 and 2 — which is the time Dr. Burston likes to listen to the radio. The station’s listening audience is shrinking, but Teal stubbornly sticks to the new format.

— Sir Milfred H. Blockingworth, Governor of Stockingshire, England. Burston performed surgery on Blockingworth to relieve the severe headaches the Governor was having. The surgery stopped the headaches, but it also caused Blockingworth to start running the government according to Dr. Burston’s needs. All of the roads near Burston’s house have been improved, and special tax breaks have been created for brain surgeons.

From Confessions of a Tabloid Writer!

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