Coffee Therapy — the play

SCENE 12
In the coffee shop.

DARNELL
Aside
Dr. Dubinscott won’t be walking in here. She died. Good person. Fair. A real feminist, with insight. She was one of several therapists who advised Corrie to ditch me. But, with all due respect, she had no understanding of my problem. I blame all my therapists for missing the boat, but I shouldn’t. Distinctions have been made, since then, between ‘feelings,’ and ‘mood’; between ‘talk and grow’ therapy – and mental health treatment. The twain shall never meet – again.
At that moment, a couple enters Latte Lane. They have their arms around each other, chatting and giggling. The man, DR. BILL BLAZER, is pretty casual. He wears jeans and sandals and carries a bottle of beer. PATSY, the woman, is much younger. She wears clothes a bit on the seductive side.
As they enter, PATSY sees that it’s a coffee shop and stops in her tracks.

PATSY
This isn’t a bar.

BLAZER
That’s the point. This is a coffee shop.

PATSY
Coffee?

BLAZER
We’ve got to sober up a bit, my dear.

PATSY
But why?
BLAZER kisses her and grins.

BLAZER
You know why.

PATSY
Oh, I see.

BLAZER
suggestively
Uh huh.

PATSY
Oh yes. To prepare for the exercises.

BLAZER
Uh huh.
They approach DARNELL

PATSY
Screwdriver, please.
BLAZER and PATSY laugh. After a moment…

DARNELL
Dr. Blazer!

BLAZER
Huh?

DARNELL
I’m Darnell Shacklebee. Remember?

BLAZER
No.

DARNELL
Corrie and I? Therapy? Back in the ’80’s? Remember?

BLAZER
Certainly. What kind of bagel is that?

DARNELL
That one’s whole wheat. That’s raisin.
BLAZER pulls PATSY closer…

BLAZER
Give me the pumpernickle.

PATSY
Ooooo.

DARNELL
Remember? You said we needed to get to know each other, and you gave us that battery of tests. Then you sent us on our way and told us you weren’t working with individuals anymore – just corporations.
PATSY hangs onto DR. BLAZER; cuddling, cooing, etc…

PATSY
A battery of tests! How fun! You never gave me a battery of tests. What if you don’t know me?

BLAZER
I know you fine.

PATSY
You promise?

BLAZER
I promise.
to DARNELL
So, we meet again. How interesting. I’d like that bagel toasted on one side. We’ll share it, and we’ll each have a cappucino.

DARNELL
What flavor?

BLAZER
No flavor. No sugar. Just cappucino.

PATSY
We’re on a diet.

DARNELL
A diet?

PATSY
It’s a sexy diet.
BLAZER and PATSY laugh.

BLAZER
A diet based on calorie burning.
They laugh again.

PATSY
And we really burn ’em.

BLAZER
Yes we do – don’t we, baby?
More laughter. They giggle and whisper to each other while DARNELL fixes the bagel and cappucino.

DARNELL
So, are you still practicing, uh, psychology?
DR. BLAZER is a bit put off by DARNELL’S intrusion. He answers soberly.

BLAZER
Certainly. That’s what I do.
to DARNELL; light, but condescending

PATSY
And you are still making coffee?
PATSY laughs. DARNELL turns to DR. BLAZER and tries to talk about himself.

DARNELL
I think those tests were very helpful. Even today, I still think about the Meyers-Briggs every once in a while.

BLAZER
irritated
Of course. How nice. Listen, chump, I came in here for coffee, not for a class reunion. Cancel the order.
to PATSY
Let’s go.

PATSY
bimbo style whining
But the cappucino.
BLAZER leads her out of the shop.

BLAZER
We’ll have coffee brought to the room.

PATSY
You’re so romantical.

DARNELL
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was, uh…here. I’m sorry I…exist.
BLAZER waves him off as they exit.

BLAZER
Forget it.

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