Dodo of the Year

(Morning. AMY alone in the kitchen, sipping coffee. Enter GRIGORIY.)
AMY: Grigoriy, I’m going to protect you.
AMY: Give me a kiss.
(He understands this.)
(They kiss. She locates a bottle of vodka.)
AMY: Do you have more vodka?
AMY: More vodka.
AMY: Go get the Vodka! Vodka. Go!
(He obeys and exits. Enter LYNN.)
Who won Dodo of the Year?
LYNN: No quorum. We’ll have to vote this morning.
AMY: It’s a brilliant election.
LYNN: Yeah, there are some strong nominations, but I think Mom’s got it.
AMY: Who gets your vote?
LYNN: Mom.
AMY: Mine as well.
LYNN: You made coffee?
AMY: Sure. Want some vodka with it?
LYNN: In the morning?
AMY: Why not?
(LYNN turns. AMY hits her with the bottle, knocking her out. Enter KYLE. He notices LYNN.)
KYLE: What happened?
AMY: Vodka.
KYLE: Her? In the morning? She looks walloped.
AMY: She is. Who are you voting for?
KYLE: You.
AMY: Really? Can I vote for myself?
KYLE: Sure.
AMY: I’ll do just that.
(He turns. She knocks him out with the vodka bottle. Enter JACK.)
JACK: What the hell?
AMY: Vodka.
JACK: At this hour?
AMY: Sure. Would you like a hit?
JACK: No thanks.
(He looks down.)
AMY: I think you do.
(She knocks him out. To JACK…)
Who are you voting for?
(Enter JOAN.)
JOAN: What happened?
AMY: Same thing that happened to you. Vodka. It sneaks up on you, doesn’t it?
JOAN: That’s not like them.
AMY: It was New Year’s Eve. Do you get to vote, since you missed the nominations?
JOAN: I always vote for Jack.
AMY: Does he always vote for you?
JOAN: Usually.
AMY: Interesting. Then I suppose one of you usually wins.
JOAN: Not necessarily. Those three get together and make back room deals. It’s more political than you think.
AMY: No kidding?
JOAN: Yeah. You wouldn’t understand.
AMY: You’re ahead in the vote, so far.
JOAN: It takes a majority.
AMY: Not necessarily.
(JOAN turns. AMY knocks her out with the bottle. Enter GRIGORIY with two bottles of vodka.
AMY points to KYLE, LYNN, JACK, and JOAN.
PAUL: Da. Vodka.
(She takes the vodka bottles from GRIGORIY and puts them on the table.
Enter PAUL.
AMY goes to GRIGORIY and kisses him.
PAUL: You’re breaking it off so you can be with him.
AMY: It feels like the right thing to do.
PAUL: What’d you do to them?
AMY: Same thing I did to you. Who are you voting for?
PAUL: You, obviously – but not for the “art” pictures.
AMY: For being stupid enough get engaged to you.
PAUL: For not protecting me, like you promised.
AMY: I didn’t know what you were talking about, and I never promised.
PAUL: I needed your help. I needed a way out of this thicket, a path into daylight. I wanted to escape the pull of this family. And I needed you to be with me.
AMY: You’re insane.
PAUL: I know. But not when I’m with you. I wanted you to know the real me – before – and see how different I am with you, how much I’ve changed. There’s a vast ocean between the two Pauls, and therein – the expanse of that ocean – lies the depth, and scope, of my love for you.
(She goes to GRIGORIY.)
AMY: Grigoriy is more my type.
PAUL: We’re related, you know. If you’re ditching me, just know that Grigoriy comes from the same gene pool.
AMY: How?
PAUL: My great-grandfather’s second wife had four children. One of them married a woman whose sister is Grigoriy’s grandmother.
AMY: What about his first wife?
PAUL: They had six children. My grandmother was the youngest.
AMY: I don’t think you’re related.
PAUL: Of course we are!
AMY: I don’t care. I like him.
PAUL: Amy!
(Desperately, arms outstretched, he goes to her. She lets go of GREGORIY and grabs a vodka bottle.)
AMY: Get away from me, you moron.
PAUL: Amy, I love you.
(She begins to hit him and he catches the bottle and tries to kiss her.)
Oh no you don’t.
(They struggle briefly. GREGORIY knocks PAUL out with a vodka bottle.)
AMY: Thank you.
AMY: Grigoriy, cigarette.
(He gives her a cigarette.)
(He gives her a match. She looks around. She gives him the car keys and points to the car.)
Can you drive?
AMY: Go start the car and turn on the heater. I’ll be there in a minute.
(He exits. She pours both bottles of vodka on the floor, lights the cigarette, and drops the match on the floor.)

2 Replies to “Dodo of the Year”

    1. I don’t mind sending you the script as an attachment — but would you mind giving me a little more information (the college, the class, etc.). Just so I know it’s legitimate — and to satisfy my curiosity.



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