Sarah Palin, the actor who forgets her lines

palin sputnik moment
palin sputnik moment

If we could forget about the politics and see it purely as theatre, then Sarah Palin’s problem becomes obvious.

She forgets her lines.

She needs more rehearsal.

It seems obvious that she memorizes answers to certain questions and then freezes up and gets lost.  But it’s live, so she has no choice but to blast through to the end.

I’m sure she does much better in rehearsal.

I can almost picture it.  Bristol holds the script.  Our Tea Party hero starts.  She gets off to a good start.  Slides in a zinger.  And then… she forgets.  You can’t hold it against her.  She’s had very little time with the script.

She asks for help.


“Sputnik,” says the daughter.

“Sputnik,” says the former governor.  “WFT.”

“WTF, Mom.”

And so it goes.

Alas, the task calls for improv, and this is not her forté.

When the camera finally rolls, with no book in hand (unless it’s on her hand), she starts out fine.  She looks great.  And then forgets a line.  She panics, cobbles together a few random keywords from the script, and then, after a moment, detours into some familiar territory.  Anything.  Pulling it together for a strong, coherent finish (on a completely different subject).

Poll: Which Palin is funnier?

[poll id=”15″]

Funny Palins
Two Funny Palins: Michael and Sarah

Who is funnier, Michael Palin or Sarah Palin?  They aren’t related.

Both of them are great entertainers.  Personally, I would have to give Michael the nod, since he did such groundbreaking work with Monty Python, has had such a long, distinguished career, and produced an enormous body of funny work.

But Sarah’s ascension to the heights of politics and TV and humor is also groundbreaking.  She may be catching up…

Who’s your pick?

Perfect comedy for any side of life

In London, in 1978, I sort of met Michael Palin.  I didn’t really meet him or talk to him — but I was standing right next to him.  He had just finished playing squash, and I was just going to play.  I was waiting for the girl at the desk to tell me which court I had, while he was making a reservation for another day.

I was playing squash with a guy named Roy, and he said, “Do you know who that was?”


“That was Michael Palin.”

I wasn’t impressed at the time.  But I have been ever since.

When I was in London that year, I played a lot of squash and really enjoyed it.  Haven’t played since.

Not that that has anything to do with anything.

This is the ending of Monty Python’s Life of BrianAlways Look on the Bright Side of Life.

Too perfect.  Always an upper…

Sarah Palin reflects on her Presidency in new memoir

In her new memoir: Going Vogue: How I Saved the My Country’s Ass, Sarah Palin fondly remembers her greatest achievements as President of the United States.

Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin

In an interview published yesterday on Craigslist, Palin brushed off questions that reminded her of the fact that she was never elected and therefore never served as President of the United States.

“Aw — now that’s just the left wing liberal commie media trying to pick on me again,” she says.

“I can’t decide what the best thing I did was,” writes Palin, in the soon-to-be-published book.

“It was either eliminating the death tax, capital gains tax, or income tax,” she writes. “Whichever — it worked. There’s no more government spending, and no budget deficit.”

She also credits the end of abortion and birth control as strategies that will have long term benefits for the country.

“The increased reproduction will grow our population and the numbers in our military,” writes Palin. “We need more children to fight in future wars that will make our country safer.”

Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann, a strong Palin supporter, fully supports the Palin Presidency.

Michele Bachmann
Michele Bachmann

“Real Americans know Sarah Palin was President,” says Bachmann. “It’s the un-American Americans that try to keep saying she wasn’t the President.”

Carrie Prejean, a Palin intern and former Miss America Pageant contestant, helped Palin write the book.

“This is not only one of the first books I’ve ever worked on,” says Prejean, “but I think the Palin memoir will go down in history as one of the first books I ever read.”

Carrie Prejean
Carrie Prejean

Prejean, a strong opponent of gay marriage who believes people should have sex only with themselves, also believes strongly that Palin was President.

“Saying she’s not President is inappropriate,” says Prejean.

Glenn Beck, of Fox News, noted that Palin’s “book” rhymes with “cook,” as in “cooking the books,” — something Beck claims poor people do on a regular basis.

Beck also points out that Hitler, in fact, did cook books — and that “cook” is “something people do to corn,” which is contained in the word “acorn.”

Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck

“Cook also rhymes with ‘look,'” says Beck. “As in ‘look’ how choked-up I get about loving my country.

“It also rhymes with ‘took,'” he says, “as in they ‘took’ out my appendix so we can ‘took’ back our country.'”

BoobieCare — Obama's plan will control women's breast size

Buried in H.R.3200 – America’s Affordable Health Choices Act of 2009, President Barack Obama’s 1,018 page plan to overhaul the U.S. health care system, is a provision that allows the federal government to dictate the breast size of each American woman.

Referred to as “9856(z)18 BREAST AUGMENTATION FOR AMERICAN WOMEN,” the provision is hidden so deep in the dense text that it’s nearly impossible to find, read, and decode.

Pamela Anderson
Pamela Anderson

But it’s there, in paragraph 4,358,694, stating that “a panel of men who work for the federal government will examine every woman in the country in order to determine her most attractive breast size.”

The panel will also choose her plastic surgeon and conduct follow-up interviews, reserving the right to order additional surgeries down the road, if necessary.

H.R. 3200 provides for all former, living U.S. Presidents to oversee the project. Male members of the U. S. House of Representatives, Senate, and male U.S. Governors will chair the panels and choose its members.

Sarah Palin, herself a former governor, and also a woman, was outraged.

“I’m insulted,” she said. “Mine are perfect. The judges in the Miss Alaska pageant said so. My breasts belong to Todd first, then Alaska second, and next in line my great country, the USA, third — not the stinkin’ federal government.

Sarah Palin
Sarah Palin

“Abraham Lincoln may have said our government is ‘by the people, in the people, on the people, or something like that; but good ol’ Ronnie Reagan said ‘Government is not only A problem, it is THE problem, or something like that, ya’ know? That’s why I voted for Reagan.”

Updating her Facebook status, Palin, also a former Vice-Presidential candidate, wrote about her daughters’ breasts. She said that she’s pleased with Bristol’s, but admitted that some of her daughters’ breasts, once they develop, may need a little work.

“But that’s a private, family matter,” she said.

“First he was a community organizer. Then a constitutional law professor. Now he wants to organize the constitution of underage girls’ boobies. That’s outrageous.

Palin family
Palin family

“That may be the way they act in Kenya, but not where I come from.”

Senator John McCain, former candidate for President, said hes’ a firm believer in plastic surgery, but not at taxpayers’ expense. He supports government health care only for military personnel, military children, and members of Congress.

“It’s been fine for me, my entire life,” McCain said. “But I needed it.

John and Cindy McCain

“I don’t think the federal government can afford to help the general population, however. The government messes everything up. It’s too much spending.
“The bill will never pass,” McCain said. “We’ll fight it. We’ll stomp it. We’ll crush it. We’ll beat it. We’ll defeat it. We’ll kill it.”

Glenn Beck, on his Fox TV show, wept openly.

Even after gathering himself during a commercial break, Beck could barely speak through his tears.

“They are going to send government photographers into your homes and take pictures. Then they’re going to pick out the women they want to see again and haul them in.

Glenn Beck
Glenn Beck

“I love my country,” Beck said. “I think Obama is a sexist. Next, he’ll want to check my penis size. That’s just like the kind of things Hitler did. He’s the same way! A dictator!”

Health Insurance CEO Ron Williams, of Aetna, says he will help fund a massive advertising campaign in order to fight the intrusive provision.

Ron Williams
Ron Williams

“Somebody’s got to stand up for the American patient,” says Williams. “Since I made over 40 million dollars in 2007 — a damn good year — I feel a moral obligation to do that.”